and when he got into the street he laughed till the whole machine trembled. he said: “he drive this machine! oh, he would be lucky if he knew enough to get our when we get there.”
i must tell you about a rich man’s son at niagara falls. i came in from the lecture to the hotel, and as i approached the desk of the clerk there stood a millionaire’s son from new york. he was an indescribable specimen of anthropologic potency. he had a skull-cap on one side of his head, with a gold tassel in the top of it, and a gold-headed cane under his arm with more in it than in his head. it is a very difficult thing to describe that young man. he wore an eye-glass that he could not see through, patent-leather boots that he could not walk in, and pants that he could not sit down in-dressed like a grasshopper. this human cricket came up to the clerk’s desk just as i entered, adjusted his unseeing eye-glass, and spake in this wise to the clerk. you see, he thought it was “hinglish, you know,” to lisp. “thir, will you have the kindness to supply me with thome papah and enwelophs!” the hotel clerk measured the man quick, and he pulled the envelopes and paper out of a drawer, threw them across the counter toward the young man, and then turned away to his books. you should have seen that young man when those envelopes came across that counter.
he swelled up like a gobbler turkey, adjusted his unseeing eye-glass, and yelled: “come right back here. now, thir, will you order a thervant to take that papah and enwelophs to yondah dethk.” oh, the poor, miserable, contemptible american monkey! he could not carry paper and envelopes twenty feet. i suppose he could not get his arms down to do it. i have no pity for such travesties upon human nature. if you have not capital, young man, i am glad of it. what you need is common sen
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